A Valentine's Day feature – Stroke, aftermath can't destroy loving relationship

Valentine’s Day is largely a celebration of romantic love.

But to Orcas islanders Bob and Lolly Halverson, it’s something much deeper. It’s a day which celebrates a couple’s lifetime commitment to one another, in sickness and in health, for better or worse, ‘til death do us part.

The Halversons celebrated their 50th anniversary last October. For more than 40 of those years, they rarely had to think about the other side of love. Those years represented most couples’ ultimate fantasy, a virtual non-stop whirl of glamor, excitement and joy. They met in New York City in 1946, while Bob was directing the March of Dimes, and Lolly was working in television. Five years later they married after taking government jobs that brought them great success and allowed them to travel to virtually every corner of the globe. Bob, in fact, was so successful that he was decorated with the Intelligence Medal of Merit when he concluded his career. Lolly spent a portion of those years editing a magazine and a newspaper.

The Halversons moved to Orcas Island in 1986, but retirement didn’t slow them down. Bob’s island resume reads like a Who’s Who of community service: president of the Orcas Island Medical Building Association, member of the county Board of Adjustment and Planning Commission, and Washington State representative to the American Diabetes Association, just to name a few.

Lolly also remained active, working for such local organizations as the Orcas Island Medical Guild, the local branch of the American Association of University Women, and the Spring Point Community Association.

The Halversons’ world as they knew it came crashing down on them nearly eight years ago when Bob suffered a stroke. He has since had two leg amputations below the knee, and he spends all his waking hours in a wheelchair.

Their involvement in the community is virtually non-existent now. “We stay at home now, and we don’t travel,” Lolly says, other than occasionally eating out at the A-1, Starfish Grill, or Rosario Resort; or attending a concert at Orcas Center or the Episcopal Church.

Bob’s medical problems represented the latest round of devastating news the Halversons have had to overcome. Bob had a difficult childhood. His father died of cancer when he was just 12 years old, and one year after the Halversons were married, Bob was diagnosed with diabetes.

Later, their son-in-law was killed in an auto wreck. The Halversons’ daughter Diane continues to be devastated by the experience.

Yet life is what you make of it, and despite these tragedies, Lolly and Bob will tell you: “Don’t feel sorry for us.”

Yes, they have had to completely readjust their lives; and yes, there are moments when life gets them down, but overall they remain firmly committed to each other and, yes, happy. Those who visit the Halversons rarely see any tears or frowns, mostly smiles.

One reason is they tell each other every day, “I love you. We started doing it a long time ago,” Lolly says, noting that it enables them to overcome their daily trials and tribulations.

Another is the outpouring of support they have received from friends, neighbors and care givers on Orcas Island.

But the main reason is the positive outlook on life they have kept through it all. Lolly says memories of all the good times have helped sustain her. “I wouldn’t trade my life for anything,” she continues to say.

But she also credits Bob with keeping a smile on her face. “His positive attitude and determination to overcome this last challenge is what keeps us both going. He refuses to let me give up.”

Indeed, Bob refuses to be beaten down by his medical setbacks. His philosophy has always been, “When life throws you a curve, you don’t give up...but find another way to meet the challenge. Life is constantly filled with one challenge after another. They are rarely the same.”

— Ted Grossman is editor of islandssounder.com and The Islands’ Sounder. He can be reached at (360) 376-4500 or email.

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